3 Months

Last week marked being home 3 months with Olivia. The first two months were spent nearly entirely working on attachment and her getting used to her new life. I stayed at home almost all of the time with her. We only went out when it was necessary. This was difficult at times. Sometimes I had cabin fever. However, after 4 adoptions I can honestly say that this has been instrumental to Olivia's security.

We spent a lot of time playing together but we also just spent time "living togther." I didn't feel the need to fill her every moment with something. She needed to get used to the routing of our life and just be able to observe us as well as interact. She went from not even wanting me to hold her to crawling up in my lap and giving me hugs...all in her own time. Now that I've gotten to know her, I realize how very special this is. She is a very touchy, feely person. She loves cuddling and kissing and just touching skin to skin. It makes me so thankful that I didn't force her to hug me. Physical Touch (from the 5 love languages) is Olivia's way of showing love. She certainly didn't love me at first and wouldn't have wanted to show affection to me. I just eat it up now though! :)

This past month has been a drastic difference. I'm not seeing hardly any attachment issues. She's settled into our routine and seems really happy. As I said we've stayed at home almost all of the time and now when we go out somewhere and we get back in the car she always asks "Ibia (Olivia) home?" She does enjoy going to the baseball games. On game days she goes around the house saying "I LOOOOVE Baseball game!" It's so funny. After the last post about the ballgames and attachment I wore her in the sling the whole time at the next game. She did great. The next couple of games I made a point of making sure she stayed right with me. Now she acts entirely appropriate. She stays with me on her own. She will walk a short distance away but comes right back. She and I have become best friends. I ask her if she's my girl and she shakes her head yes. It's so sweet.

Her vocabulary is amazing. She is totally fluent in English. She says 4 and 5 word sentences. She understands everything we say to her. She can boss Jackson and Joe quite well! She is NOT good at sharing with other kids though. We are working on that.

Sometimes it's hard not to just sit and cry with joy when I watch her. I love her so much already and it just keeps growing!

One Month

Today is the one month anniversary of Olivia's adoption! I can't believe it's only been a month. I feel like I was in China at least that long! And she seems like she's been home for much longer. I hope to post monthly updates here for the first year then make the keepsake book for her. I'm going to try to be pretty open about how things are going because I know that there are waiting families who are reading and I hope that it will help in some way when their little ones come home.

The first 2 weeks were very difficult. Normal, and not unexpected, but still hard. As I've mentioned before, Olivia has had 2 disruptions in her short life. She's learned that mommy's don't stay around. It will be my job to show her that I WILL be here for her. But that is going to take time. Think of it like this...If your spouse hurt you very deeply in some way, how long would it take for your trust in them to rebuilt? It's one step at a time.

I allowed Olivia to go at her own pace until I felt that she was comfortable with me. Then I took over. Although we have been doing lots of things already to promote attachment (playing games that promote eye contact, reading, carrying in the wrap, looking in the mirror while I'm holding her, etc...) I have now "stepped it up a level". I'm seeing tremendous progress as a result.

It's so very easy to miss signs of attachment issues. I'm not talking about an attachment disorder now, I just mean that it's easy to think our child is attached to us when, in reality, it's not possible to fully attach in a short period of time. It takes time to get to know someone and trust them. Even more so when your life has been disrupted. Now that Olivia is home, I can look back and see many mistakes that we made with our other adoptions. Some were not really a big deal, they would have just made things easier for our child quicker. Some WERE a big deal and we are still seeing the consequences of not spending enough one on one time. I'll cut myself a little slack...I did have three 2 year olds at one time and one had Autism. AND I didn't know what I know now! There's alot out there about the philosophy of attachment but not a lot of practical ideas.

Some of the signs that cause me to realize we need more attachment work are: Seeing Olivia freely wander away in a public place, the fact that she calls for Joe when she is upset instead of me, she isn't fully comfortable with me, she looks to me for approval before she does just about anything...in other words, she doesn't feel free to be a two year old! I've done Holding Time with her and saw great improvements immediately.

Going somewhere is such a chore! I had several errands yesterday and there's no more hopping out of the car to drop something off somewhere. Noooo, you have to get out and go around and open the van door, climb in on your knees all the way over and unbuckle Olivia, put her socks and shoes back on every time, find the sippy cup that she threw, get her out of the seat , heft the giant diaper bag up onto my shoulder, pick her up and carry her in. Then we go back out and do everything in reverse! I'm huffing and puffing by the time I get in my seat!

Overall I think that Olivia is doing really well and every day gets better and better!