One Month

Today is the one month anniversary of Olivia's adoption! I can't believe it's only been a month. I feel like I was in China at least that long! And she seems like she's been home for much longer. I hope to post monthly updates here for the first year then make the keepsake book for her. I'm going to try to be pretty open about how things are going because I know that there are waiting families who are reading and I hope that it will help in some way when their little ones come home.

The first 2 weeks were very difficult. Normal, and not unexpected, but still hard. As I've mentioned before, Olivia has had 2 disruptions in her short life. She's learned that mommy's don't stay around. It will be my job to show her that I WILL be here for her. But that is going to take time. Think of it like this...If your spouse hurt you very deeply in some way, how long would it take for your trust in them to rebuilt? It's one step at a time.

I allowed Olivia to go at her own pace until I felt that she was comfortable with me. Then I took over. Although we have been doing lots of things already to promote attachment (playing games that promote eye contact, reading, carrying in the wrap, looking in the mirror while I'm holding her, etc...) I have now "stepped it up a level". I'm seeing tremendous progress as a result.

It's so very easy to miss signs of attachment issues. I'm not talking about an attachment disorder now, I just mean that it's easy to think our child is attached to us when, in reality, it's not possible to fully attach in a short period of time. It takes time to get to know someone and trust them. Even more so when your life has been disrupted. Now that Olivia is home, I can look back and see many mistakes that we made with our other adoptions. Some were not really a big deal, they would have just made things easier for our child quicker. Some WERE a big deal and we are still seeing the consequences of not spending enough one on one time. I'll cut myself a little slack...I did have three 2 year olds at one time and one had Autism. AND I didn't know what I know now! There's alot out there about the philosophy of attachment but not a lot of practical ideas.

Some of the signs that cause me to realize we need more attachment work are: Seeing Olivia freely wander away in a public place, the fact that she calls for Joe when she is upset instead of me, she isn't fully comfortable with me, she looks to me for approval before she does just about anything...in other words, she doesn't feel free to be a two year old! I've done Holding Time with her and saw great improvements immediately.

Going somewhere is such a chore! I had several errands yesterday and there's no more hopping out of the car to drop something off somewhere. Noooo, you have to get out and go around and open the van door, climb in on your knees all the way over and unbuckle Olivia, put her socks and shoes back on every time, find the sippy cup that she threw, get her out of the seat , heft the giant diaper bag up onto my shoulder, pick her up and carry her in. Then we go back out and do everything in reverse! I'm huffing and puffing by the time I get in my seat!

Overall I think that Olivia is doing really well and every day gets better and better!