The First Day

It's 2 am so of course that means I'm awake! I can't seem to sleep more than 4 hours.
So, on to the good stuff! When Olivia came into the room I, being the devoted mother that I am, looked right at her and didn't recognize her! Then Mary, my guide, started taking pictures and was saying "That's your baby". It really took me a minute to realize it was her! The pictures told the story but there were so many more of her crying. She really had a hard time. She refused to look at me once she realized what was going on. She would "steal" glances at me. Once we got into the car she turned and looked deep into my eyes. Her face was expressionless but her eyes spoke volumes. They were saying "You may have me, but you can't make me like you". She is so precious I can't stand it!!

Back at the hotel she got to see Blake aka Baba on Skype. She actually waved a little to him. It was obvious she recognized him from his picture. She was fascinated with seeing him. Same with Ben, Jackson and Joe.

She really did okay for the most part but she's so sad. She refused to let me take off her coat or shoes. Now you can tell from the pictures that she was HEAVILY bundled. As time went on she began to sweat. But she screamed if I even attempted to take them off. After I took her to the bathroom I managed to get the coat off finally. She won't play with ANY of the toys that I took when I met her. Only the ones that remained in the room. She HATES her doll. She LOVES tv. I found a kids channel and when they sing or dance she sways back and forth and softly sings. Occasionally she will laugh or talk. She has the sweetest voice.

I thought she might feel better if I gave her the toys that the foster mother sent with her. They are the ones that we sent to her. When she saw them laying on the bed she grabbed her coat and started putting it on very quickly. She then gathered all of her little toys in her arms and headed for the door. I nearly lost it. It just broke my heart. I knew that I had to get the coat and shoes away from her. She obviously thought that as long as she had her coat and shoes on she was leaving. It would have been worse to let her continue to think that she was going back home. It was just prolonging her grief. It was the hardest thing to take that coat off of her while she screamed and held on to it with all of her might. I quickly hid the coat and toys. All except the purse. I could not pry her fingers loose. So, she took the purse and headed to the door. She screamed and screamed and screamed. Then she screamed some more. She jumped up and down and yelled something over and over. Then she started knocking on the door. It was so incredibly sad. At first I tried to comfort her but she would have none of that. She pushed her hand at me and yelled something....obviously "go away!"
So, I did. I sat on the chair and just let her cry for about 5 minutes. I felt very strongly that I should not force myself on her and that she just needed some time. Then I slowly walked over and picked her up and she didn't fight me. I got her interested in the tv and that was it.
I managed to take the other 5 layers of clothes off and put her pajamas on without incident. She still won't look at me though. It's so comical to see her glances. Once, I managed to do something that she thought was funny but oh how she tried to hide it. She turned her head all around to keep me from seeing her smile!

When it came time for bed I turned the lights out and laid her on the bed with me. She started screaming. I gave her the bottle and she laid down to drink it. When she was done she scooted as far away from me as she could to the other side of the bed and rolled over. I scooted up against her and she let me stay! She is learning that she needs me. Soon she will love me. She was asleep in seconds and has slept peacefully.

I remember when I was reading my friend Jeanette's blog about when she adopted her daughter. I hoped that we would have as many prayers said for us as they did and that Olivia would adjust as well as Elizabeth did. I can tell you that we do have those prayers! It is so obvious and I'm so grateful to each one of you who has lifted us before the Lord. Olivia is grieving appropriately and showing signs of strength and courage. I'm so very proud of her!